BLANK.
Despite the colorfulness of my simple life, I am at a loss for words, specially when I attempt to blog away.
I wake up this morning with a heavy heart and too many thoughts:
1) PB and I fought fought fought yesterday, it broke my heart. As my cousin and very dear friend Monic put it - "Wow Maic, you guys have finally learned to fight?" Yes, we are not the typical fighting couple. We talk things through every time we disagree on something. I listen to what he says, he listens to what I say. Then we come to a conclusion, a compromise of some sort. But yesterday? It was far from drawing a friendly conclusion nor a civilized compromise even, I was yelling the life out of me. I was literally exhausted after hanging up - it was darn 1:30 am for him already and even if I was still fuming mad, I told him it was time for him to go to bed, what with work tomorrow for him at 9.
I wake up with such a heavy heart today because of crazy thoughts in my head - he gave me every possible reason to feel horrible, to doubt - which I hate to do, this place I am not used to being at. I am a naturally happy, cheerful, always-feeling-blissful (because I know life is blissful for me!) but yesterday, I just ended up thinking and feeling the worst.
End of story for now. I'd rather mention a few other random, happier thoughts.
2) Hmmm, not quite happy thought number 2: I am firing two employees this morning. Hard-headed, stubborn ones. Even if I definitely know they deserve to be axed (with reports and affidavits from their superiors to vouch for this), it breaks my heart to let go of them. I know how difficult life is these days but can I help it - they can't even help themselves?!
Oh well, one's gotta do what one's got to do.
3) First random, happy thought: Despite waking to a heavy heart, I love cuddling with my little sister. I woke up with her leaning on me, her legs on top of mine (what we refer to as "making tanday"). It was heartwarming. Somehow, it made up for the heavy feeling I was carrying. She simply lightens up my every day.
4) I am looking forward to a crazy Friday ahead - if only to occupy my mind with better things (WORK!) than being stuck in a rut, moping about that stupid fight. But more than that really, I look forward to having dinner with my girls tonight - it was supposed to be last night, but I just felt darn lousy after crying my heart out in Church. Better late than never still! Specially when it comes to bonding time with these amazing girls! Wheeee! See, heavy heart level down one notch...
5) I wanted to just sleep in last night, getting home from work and the Church, but I remembered Mamita invited us for dinner - yikes, they're going to see my bulging eyes (yes, from all that crying, the bulge definitely clearly manifested itself!)! Thank God for eyeglasses! All in all, it was a lovely evening with my family, as usual, food was abounding (crabs and more crabs), kids running around laughing, awwww, that definitely took all (well, almost all!) my blues away.
Slept well last night actually. Except for the few hours I ended up waking up in the middle of dawn, just thinking, then crying again.
Yes, you can just imagine how I look now - tired, still bulging eyes, heavy heart - how worse can it get?!
6) I woke up with a heavy heart but with a hopeful spirit. GOD does that to me. All the time. I went to Church after work yesterday, cried my heart out, HIS voice was so loud, HIS message very clear - HE is hope to all who are hopeless, I am HIS and HIS alone. I came out of the church with a smile. A big one, I'd have to say, and soooo much hope and love in my soul.
7) I've ran out of random thoughts, happy and heartbreaking alike.
For now, I have to run to the shower and start the long Friday. It's not as happy as it usually is. Then again, HOPE. There always is, never runs out of it. With God with me, who can be against me?!
Happy friday all!
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