random thoughts

Just when I promised I'm back to the blogging world for good, I once again fail you, dear Blissful blog, because of crazy work time, wedding planning time, community time, family time, PB time - yeah yeah, I am yakking about all my pathetic excuses. Truth be told, when I am on the verge of clicking on my bookmarked blog button, my mind goes -

BLANK.

Despite the colorfulness of my simple life, I am at a loss for words, specially when I attempt to blog away.

I wake up this morning with a heavy heart and too many thoughts:

1) PB and I fought fought fought yesterday, it broke my heart. As my cousin and very dear friend Monic put it - "Wow Maic, you guys have finally learned to fight?" Yes, we are not the typical fighting couple. We talk things through every time we disagree on something. I listen to what he says, he listens to what I say. Then we come to a conclusion, a compromise of some sort. But yesterday? It was far from drawing a friendly conclusion nor a civilized compromise even, I was yelling the life out of me. I was literally exhausted after hanging up - it was darn 1:30 am for him already and even if I was still fuming mad, I told him it was time for him to go to bed, what with work tomorrow for him at 9. 

I wake up with such a heavy heart today because of crazy thoughts in my head - he gave me every possible reason to feel horrible, to doubt - which I hate to do, this place I am not used to being at. I am a naturally happy, cheerful, always-feeling-blissful (because I know life is blissful for me!) but yesterday, I just ended up thinking and feeling the worst.

End of story for now. I'd rather mention a few other random, happier thoughts.

2) Hmmm, not quite happy thought number 2: I am firing two employees this morning. Hard-headed, stubborn ones. Even if I definitely know they deserve to be axed (with reports and affidavits from their superiors to vouch for this), it breaks my heart to let go of them. I know how difficult life is these days but can I help it - they can't even help themselves?!

Oh well, one's gotta do what one's got to do.

3) First random, happy thought: Despite waking to a heavy heart, I love cuddling with my little sister. I woke up with her leaning on me, her legs on top of mine (what we refer to as "making tanday"). It was heartwarming. Somehow, it made up for the heavy feeling I was carrying. She simply lightens up my every day.

4) I am looking forward to a crazy Friday ahead - if only to occupy my mind with better things (WORK!) than being stuck in a rut, moping about that stupid fight. But more than that really, I look forward to having dinner with my girls tonight - it was supposed to be last night, but I just felt darn lousy after crying my heart out in Church. Better late than never still! Specially when it comes to bonding time with these amazing girls! Wheeee! See, heavy heart level down one notch...

5) I wanted to just sleep in last night, getting home from work and the Church, but I remembered Mamita invited us for dinner - yikes, they're going to see my bulging eyes (yes, from all that crying, the bulge definitely clearly manifested itself!)! Thank God for eyeglasses! All in all, it was a lovely evening with my family, as usual, food was abounding (crabs and more crabs), kids running around laughing, awwww, that definitely took all (well, almost all!) my blues away.

Slept well last night actually. Except for the few hours I ended up waking up in the middle of dawn, just thinking, then crying again.

Yes, you can just imagine how I look now - tired, still bulging eyes, heavy heart - how worse can it get?!

6) I woke up with a heavy heart but with a hopeful spirit. GOD does that to me. All the time. I went to Church after work yesterday, cried my heart out, HIS voice was so loud, HIS message very clear - HE is hope to all who are hopeless, I am HIS and HIS alone. I came out of the church with a smile. A big one, I'd have to say, and soooo much hope and love in my soul.

7) I've ran out of random thoughts, happy and heartbreaking alike.

For now, I have to run to the shower and start the long Friday. It's not as happy as it usually is. Then again, HOPE. There always is, never runs out of it. With God with me, who can be against me?!

Happy friday all!

Happy Day of Hearts

Once again, I celebrate this red day of hearts by my lonesome - technically not really since by far I've spent a few hours in the office this morning and I'm having dinner with my sisters and cousins tonight - but figuratively, I am by my lonesome, while my dear Chooby is miles (thousands of miles!) away. But just like last year, he didn't fail to me surprise me again!

I got home from the office after lunch, and surprise, surprise!

Add to that a card which said it all - a promise that truly, this will be our last Valentine celebration that we're not together! *sigh*

Truly a happy day of hearts still!

Can't, won't ask for anything more!

I am blessed.

the whole story

I haven't quite told the whole story on how life has started out blissfully for me this year and how so many things are going to change the next few months. They're aptly called blissful changes.

Pure bliss.

PB and I have long ago planned for a beautiful life together - spending a couple of years in LA, then hopefully after 5 to 8 years (at most, I hope!), we come home to Ormoc, start our own business (while he helps with his family's business as well), raise our kids here, and be with the rest of our family. God willing!

With us being engaged, everything is just unfolding that way, so soon. The soon part I totally am looking forward to with glee! So does he. We both look forward to the simple joys of just being together - enjoying food tripping (he has a list of restaurants he wants to bring me to), going to the beach, driving through wherever, visiting museums, exploring new places, learning about people, the list goes on.

So on to reality - the time frame. 

As much as I'm dying to just fly to LA and start our life together, there's just so many more things I am going to leave behind here. Foremost, there's my family - my parents, Bieni, well, just them. Technically, Ivi will be leaving for Sydney again, Yani is marrying Carlo in October and settling in the OC, while my only brother will be Cebu-based, what with his medical studies. So basically, it's missing my parents and my baby Bieni that's tugging at my heart most.

There's work - the family business I've worked for the past three or so years. I've had two secretaries and one supervisor who's gone to my office and have shed tears when I told them of my plans of leaving already - you can just imagine how that brought me to tears as well! Mayong's has been my pet project, helping organize and professionalize the business has been something personal to me; after all, it was my father and his three brothers who started the small business and making it bloom all these 20+ years. Being a part of it is just an amazing experience! I know it's going to grow bigger even in the coming years, it pains me that somehow I won't be a part of its expansion already. I won't be around to stand in awe at how God is going to continue to bless the business, the way He has the past so many years. Oh well.

Another heart-wrenching goodbye I am going to make is to my community, Lingkod. I have been part of it for about four years already, and I have to say that it was through this community, through its inspiration, teaching, and guidance that I am the person that I am now. I've served God through this community and that has fulfilled completely my every heart's desire. I know serving God doesn't end in that goodbye, I can only pray that I will find my own place in another community in my new home where I can continue serving my ever faithful God. Truly, I can't ask for anything more.

Of course, who wouldn't miss the friends I've made all these years? My friends/berks/cousins have made light comments here and there about me leaving, but I'd always, always just shrug them off - I'd always tell them it's still a long way to go. Truth is, it breaks my heart every single time - every thought of being far from these people I've been so used to being with, it just simply breaks my heart. 

I always tell PB how he's "taking me away" from all these things, from all these people. Of course I mean it lightly, after all, I know that "giving up these comforts" is all worth it - I'm giving them all up for that one person I'm meant to be with.

Back to reality again, I spend my days now working like crazy - on the side, slowly preparing the office for my leave, slowly endorsing what needs to be endorsed, so hopefully the transition will happen as smooth as possible.

The wedding plans are underway - somehow the hype has died down, what with all the bookings complete, just other equally important details are left to be done in the next couple of months (everything's set, recorded, scheduled, and checked every now and then, not to worry!). *details to follow in my next couple of blogs - trust me this time, I'm baaaaaack*

More than the big day, really, PB and I look forward to our already-set (thank God!), already-booked (thank God again!) Hawaii honeymoon! I put him in charge of everything, the Luau, the sunrise date, etc etc etc - yes, the super-organized me is endorsing our honeymoon to the hands of my not-too-organized-typical-guy fiance! I always tell him what matters most to me is that we're together. Period.

So there. For now, I shall rest my case - it's been one PMS-filled-to-the-brim, emotional day. Night!

top of mind

I had a not so good Friday alright. But somehow, it didn't end so bad. ;-)

I usually leave work just a few minutes before 5:30, just so I arrive in Church for the 5:30 pm Mass.

I left earlier than usual yesterday because I just couldn't work anymore - I was practically just cleaning my office but not doing anything more productive than that. So, I headed to hear one beautiful Mass, and I just felt sooo light afterwards, the feeling of being lousy the whole day just faded away.

Meeting up with Lyra, Jen, and Denmark - friends from community - after Mass made me realize that I wasn't alone when I complained all day of a lousy, stressful day. They shared my sentiment. True enough, misery does love company - or something to that effect anyhow. We all vented out what a day it's been. Somehow that helped ease everything. Of course with the comfort that only fried chicken skin can provide. To cap the meal, a yummy crepe with Vanilla ice cream and caramel sauce! (Gosh, mentioning food is making me create too many run-on sentences, how lousy is that?!)

Driving home never felt lighter though! So there, my Friday wasn't so bad after all or so I chose for it not to be. I came home with my stomach filled to the brim, and my body oh-so-ready to just surrender to my bed. Say with me now, WHATTA DAY!

Waking up late to a supposed working Saturday morning felt soooo good, hopefully this feeling lasts me all day, as I have a gazillion workload awaiting me at the office. Then again, work can wait, or SHOULD wait - I've been a slave to it the past week - I choose to have a lazy morning just yet and will hit the shower in a bit. I had to give time to my ranting.

Still, I look forward.

P.S. I miss this, blogging and yakking away - this feels good, even if it's just some non-sense ranting and venting! I've found my therapy once again. 

Later!!

not too happy friday

Today didn't start quite right somehow.

I'm not my usual upbeat, jolly self on a supposed "happy friday" - I don't have that TGIF feel somehow. Could it be that I'm PMSing? Could it be that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed? Could it be that the darn internet connection is just pathetic?

Can't figure it out just yet.

For starters, I did wake up fine. Had a fun, fun, fun de-stressing dinner with my girls (and their guys; pathetic me, I know; I was technically 5th wheel!) last night - our joys are pretty shallow; had a sumptuous (and unhealthy!) dinner of Gen's Kitchenette's fried chicken and chicharon bulaklak! Had coffee and dessert after, and just chatted the night away. When I got home around ten, I was awake and all perked up still, I decided to watch two episodes of Dirty Sexy Money - two very interesting episodes, I have to say ;-) I finally retired to bed just before midnight. So see, sleeping was no problem. Neither was waking up to a cold Friday morning!

Had my usual coffee, read Scripture, bonded with Bieni... Hmmm, enumerating what I've been through by far today... if only to find out what went wrong that's making me all pissy...

Hmmm, it must just be the lousy internet connection and constant bugging of YM failing to go online and delaying my sending of files to my secretary for printing. Hmmm, must be that! I swear, despite the workload in front of me, I'm here blogging away. I just had to let it out! Grrrrr.

Trust me, I'm like this just because one thing goes wrong. I'm particularly all pissy today. Must be the PMS! Grrrr again.

Hopefully the ngo hiong that awaits me for lunch will take all the pissy blues away.

***

More thoughts later on - blogging does help. Almost therapeutic!

we're getting married!

Here's the engagement story as I told it to friends through email a day or two after he proposed:

He's always surprised me in sooo many ways since we met (how we met was even a surprise for both of us) but he pulled the BIGGEST, SWEETEST one on me yesterday! Yes, I knew somehow it was coming, after all we've been making plans for 2009 already and like we told each other, somehow the surprise factor isn't too surprising anymore BUT I'd have to say he did it in a way to ruin that "no more surprise factor notion" - he got me real good!

We were "exchanging gifts" after a sumptuous lunch of chicken barbecue, batikon, pork barbecue, siomai & puso at Baybayon ni Agalon (it's always a first stop for us whenever he comes! We hang out at this beautiful tree house in this resort!). He gave lots of stuff - a pink (!!!) plastic case for my macbook (so it's ok to make it fall na daw - toink), juicy couture perfume, a Tiffany pearl bracelet, my favorite Lindt white chocolates, green tea & Godiva pretzels - the works! Then he opened my gifts for him (shirts with Pinas map on them, football maniac button-down shirt, other stuff i got for him from beijing). He left out a big box with a big ribbon. So I was like, "kadto diay dong?" He casually pretended and said, "aw yeah, that one diay". Asus, when i unwrapped it, it turned out to be 5 other small boxes inside the big box (yep, box after box after box after box) then finally in the smallest box was a stuffed snowman toy, with its hands clasped together, I was admiring it and in my head I was like "what in the world does this mean?" Lo and behold, in between its clasped hands was my engagement ring, I was like, "whats this?" - I honestly thought it was part of the stuffed toy! As in nagsparkle-sparkle man intawn so pwerteng ka klaro!!! He got the ring from me, knelt on one knee, and popped the question, "BAby, this is me asking you, will you marry me?" or something to that effect, I can't remember verbatim kay pwerte naman nako hilak!!!! ha ha ha ha i was laughing and crying and then laughing and then crying again - like crazy yes! but it was the sweetest. I swear!!! What made me cry even more was when he told me about the ring - apparently the biggest stone in the middle is an heirloom from his mother, as in passed from generations past, then the 2 bluish stones beside the biggest center diamond stone are aquamarine, my birthstones, then there are more diamonds around the ring which he bought himself na - so it's traditionally the something old, something new, something blue! wa lay borrowed daw :D as in myyyyygassssss, makahilak jud!!!! I was crying and laughing some more, he was just hugging me, crying and all!

Here are some of the pictures (from my phone camera coz we didn't bring a cam!):

That's my now fiance Pancho with Snowman ;-)
That's my snowman holding my ring - a beautiful one at that; a GORGEOUS one at that!

That's THE box (the biggest of the bunch of other smaller boxes within!)
My beautiful, gorgeous ring!

I've always eyed my Mom's eternity diamond ring and she'd always just retort back, "Make your husband buy that for you! I've long deserved mine!"

So when I saw my ring and saw that it wasn't the typical single diamond stone, and that it turned out to be even more beautiful, I was just overwhelmed with joy and pride! I was proud of my Chooby for coming up with such a beautiful one -

So yes, we're getting married!

August 8th, 2009. Save the date!